Are we all equal now? Are men still more equal than women? Christo Lombaard thinks that yes, they probably are still ahead in the gender wars – but they feel more like victims than victors.
Hung by a tangle of identities, drawn between traditional expectations to "be a man" and the modern demands of a "liberated" male, and quartered by political correctness, family life, divergent religious and ethical views, and their own preferences – no wonder men are confused.
American feminist Gloria Steinem famously said in the 1970s that "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". Some feminists have even defined themselves as "womyn", obliterating any reference to men. Reacting to such trends, organisations such as Promise Keepers in the US and elsewhere have over the past decade been encouraging men to accept, among other things, traditional roles in family life.
The first option separates the genders; the second disconnects men from the modern world. But is it not perhaps time for men to find themselves defined, rather than doing the defining?
Through the centuries, with rare exception, men have accorded women certain roles, but always in such a way that they themselves remained in control. South African theologian Yolanda Dreyer pointed out recently how the description of "image of God" (Genesis 1.27) was reserved for men alone in the early Christian church. Though husbands and wives were spiritual equals through baptism, in their relations the men remained dominant.
It was conceded in the Middle Ages that women too were created in God's image – but the priesthood remained reserved for men. Why? Because Jesus was male.
The Reformation did not bring equality in gender relations, nor did the Enlightenment: women continued to be regarded as spiritually and intellectually inferior to men. Even the modern-day acknowledgement that only a relationship with God creates the image of God in humans has not created a massive swing towards gender equality in Christianity.
Nature or nurture?
Why do men hold onto privileged positions in church and society? "Culture plays the most dominant role in this male bias," says Steve Titus, general secretary of the United Congregational Church of Southern Africa. "Fundamentalists try to justify it biblically and theologically. Others wrongfully believe that men are stronger personalities and will achieve more due to that."
"But," points out Dr Susan Ziehl, senior lecturer in Sociology and Industrial Sociology at Rhodes University in South Africa, "today we live in a society that actually values gender equality. If you ask people if they are in favour of it, most people will say yes. The problem is that people's behaviour does not correspond to that value."
Titus concurs. On the roles accorded to men and denied them in Southern Africa, he sees men "favoured in leadership roles such as chairing meetings and decision-making positions. Women mostly fulfil roles of fundraising, cleaning, cooking, and supporting male roles. That is why, even though some churches are 80 per cent filled with women and children, men still occupy the leadership positions. At present, schools may have up to 70 per cent female teachers, but with the most prominent leadership positions held by the few men."
"It is evident that the ideology of patriarchy has been and is to a large extent still part of gender relations and family life in South Africa", agrees Dr Ria Smit, family sociologist at the Rand Afrikaans University in Johannesburg, South Africa.
No hope?
So, is there no hope of women and men living as equals?
"Socialisation agents such as the family, the school and the church play a cardinal role in how the individual internalises his/her role identity," reasons Smit. "I am of the opinion that, rather than opting for the bringing about of a situation where we have non-gendered roles in society, individuals must have the freedom to choose how they would like to define the content of their roles. This means that the individual must be allowed by institutions in society the opportunity to incorporate both masculine and feminine qualities into their identities, and thus also the traditional role behaviour and tasks associated with these gender identities and roles."
It won't be easy going. Ziehl cites research that shows that when men do get more involved in the domestic domain, they tend to want to do the nice things like bathing the children as opposed to taking out the rubbish, shopping and cleaning floors. Employing a female domestic worker, which is very common in South Africa, leads to an even greater reduction in men's domestic labour. They feel that they have now paid someone else to do it, so why should they do more?
Reluctance to renegotiate gender roles does not come from the male side only, Ziehl says. "There is also the phenomenon of a woman asking a man to become more involved in housework, him doing so, but doing it badly. Consequently, she never asks him again. Also, women may want to retain the domestic terrain as their territory."
Yet Titus remains committed. "The church is the ideal place to overturn [gender] discrimination and reshape people's thinking concerning gender roles," he states. "The church needs to reinterpret the Bible, which is now seen as part of the problem, because it potentially can bring about the solution. The church is in a sense the guardian of the biblical message and has the respect and support of the people."
Smit observes that "studies in South Africa have found that the more a man is involved in the performance of domestic tasks and the rearing and care-taking of his children, the higher is not only his own experience of marital happiness, but also that of his wife."
This leaves us with two perspectives: first, change in gender relations that don't hurt anyone can occur, and second, love for one another should remain a prime concern.